MONDAY
****************************************************
Xander: "Where is he? Where's the creep that turned me into his spider-eating man-bitch?"
Buffy: "He's gone." Xander: "Dammit! You know what? I'm sick of this crap. I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt-monkey!"
Giles, Riley, and Buffy nod and try to look solemn.
Buffy: "Check. No more butt-monkey."
(Buffy vs Dracula)
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Fortune Cookies:
MONKEY, n. An arboreal animal which makes itself at home in genealogical trees.
---Ambrose Bierce / The Devil's Dictionary
"It's choice - not chance - that determines your destiny".
---Jean Nidetch
"Attention, attention, there are monkey-boys in the complex."
---Buckaroo Banzai
"He that respects himself is safe from others. He wears a coat of mail that none can pierce."
---Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
"Real, constructive mental power lies in the creative thought that shapes your destiny, and your hour-by-hour mental conduct produces power for change in your life. Develop a train of thought on which to ride. The nobility of your life as well as your happiness depends upon the direction in which that train of thought is going."
---Laurence J. Peter
"Zoinks!!"
---Shaggy/ Scooby Doo
TUESDAY
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Xander: "Yeah. Great knife. Although I think, uh, it may technically be a, a sword."
Jack: "She's called 'Katie'."
Xander: "You gave it a girl's name. How very serial killer of you."
(The Zeppo)
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Fortune Cookies:
"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
---Frank Herbert
Felix Ungar: "I'm a neurotic nut, but you're crazy!"
---Odd Couple
Mitch: "Hey you now, the first time I try to talk to you, you embarrass me. So I tease you a little bit, which maybe I shouldn't have done, so I'm sorry. But now you're sitting over there with your knife trying to frighten me. Which...you're doing a good job. But if you're going to kill me, get on with it. If not, shut the hell up. I'm on vacation."
---City Slickers
"Some tubes surround themselves with psycho mates imagining that this makes them strong. less likely to get hurt by our cruel world, when obviously the reverse is true. "
---Irvine Welsh /Trainspotting
"A long time ago being crazy meant something. Nowadays everybody's crazy."
---Charles Manson
WEDNESDAY
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Dracula: "I have no interest in you. Leave us. "
Xander: "No, we're not going to (in Dracula's accent) leave you. And where'd you get that accent, Sesame Street? Vun, two, three -- three victims. Mwa ha ha!"
(Buffy vs Dracula)
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Fortune Cookies:
"I've always followed my father's advice: he told me, first to always keep my word and, second, to never insult anybody unintentionally. If I insult you, you can be goddamn sure I intend to. And, third, he told me not to go around looking for trouble."
---John Wayne
"Each night when my castle is gloomy
And the werewolves start howling anew
And the cold mist creeps down from the mountains
My thoughts turn, my darling, to you
You're my Transylvania toot toot tootsie
My Transylvania toot toot tootsie turtle dove
My dearest, it's no wonder, you make me think of thunder
Of lightning storms, black cats, newts, toads and love
Be my Transylvania toot toot tootsie
By my toot toot truest tootsie of them all
And when the day is through, I will count the bats with you
(Ah! One, two, three, four)
That's my toot toot tootsie, Transylvania Love Call
Each night when the spiders start spinning
And the wolves start to frolic and play
And the fog rolls down over the swamplands
My darling, you can always hear me say
You're my Transylvania toot toot tootsie
My Transylvania toot toot tootsie turtle dove
You make me feel so eerie, I want to call you dearie
You make me think of cobwebs, squeaking doors and love
Be my Transylvania toot toot tootsie
Be my toot toot truest tootsie of them all
And when the day is through, I will count the bats with you
(Ah, thirty-four, thirty-five, thirty-six)
That's my toot toot tootsie
I said my tootsie"
---The Count (Seasame Street) / Transylvania Love Call
Buttercup: "You mocked me once. Never do it again!"
---Princess_Bride
THURSDAY
*******************************************
Xander: This is just too much. I mean, yesterday my life's like, 'Uh- oh, pop quiz.' Today it's 'Rain of Toads'.
(The Harvest)
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Fortune Cookies:
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia."
---Charles M. Schulz
"Remember! Things in life will not always run smoothly. Sometimes we will be rising toward the heights - then all will seem to reverse itself and start downward. The great fact to remember is that the trend of civilization itself is forever upward, that a line drawn through the middle of the peaks and the valleys of the centuries always has an upward trend."
---Endicott Peabody
Miles: "Terrific! I've got a trig mid-term tommorrow, and I'm being chased by 'Guido the killer pimp'."
---Risky_Business
"History will be kind to me for I intend to write it."
---Sir Winston Churchill
FRIDAY
******************************************************
Buffy: "Oh, yeah. I remember coming on to you, I remember begging you to undress me... And then a sudden need for cheese. I also remember that you didn't."
Xander: "Need cheese?"
Buffy: "Undress me. It meant a lot to me what you said."
Xander: "C'mon, Buffy, I couldn't take advantage of you like that. Okay, for a minute, it was touch and go there..."
Buffy: "You came through. There might just be hope for you yet."
(Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered)
*******************************************************
Fortune Cookies:
"The motto of chivalry is also the motto of wisdom; to serve all, but love only one."
---Honore De Balzac
"Men are equal; it is not birth but virtue that makes the difference."
---Voltaire
Daphne: "Sex! That's your answer for everything! It's like you're part rabbit. People ought to rub your feet for luck!"
---Frasier
"I do nothing but go about persuading you all, old and young alike, not to take thought for your persons or your properties, but and chiefly to care about the greatest improvement of the soul. I tell you that virtue is not given by money, but that from virtue comes money and every other good of man, public as well as private. "
---Socrates, quoted by Plato, 'The Death of Socrates'
"Lust is when you love what you see. Love is when you lust for what's inside"
---Renee Conkle
Eugene: "How am I going to become a writer if I don't know how to suffer? Actually, I'd give up writing if I could see a naked girl while I was eating ice cream."
---Neil Simon /Brighton_Beach_Memoirs
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